Well, that was unexpected.

It does seem fitting that my last blog entry was on the day I had Dillon and today it's Mother's Day.  If you missed out on everything that happened in between, go check out our Caring Bridge page. (dillonmccornack) If I have new readers that came over to my blog from Caring Bridge, hello!  This blog is slightly less dramatic, far less frequent, and more sarcastic than my writing over on Caring Bridge.  You know, more like regular life.  I would love for regular life to be less dramatic than the past month.  Please! 

It's been so long since I posted here that blogger has completely revamped their settings and format and I hope I still know how to blog.

We have been home for a week now.  Dillon is doing really well with his feedings.  He averages 60-75 mLs per feeding and a week ago it was more like 40-50.  He still has reflux but (praise God!) it doesn't bother him overnight.  Because of the NICU feeding schedule he was on, his body is used to eating every three hours and he keeps that schedule at night though he usually gives himself one four hour stretch.  So far - knock on wood - he doesn't cry at night.  He grunts and fusses to let me know he is hungry and if I take too long warming up his bottle he gets mad, but goes right back to sleep after the feeding.  I stay up for about 20-30 minutes after each feeding and hold him upright on my chest and shoulder.  That seems to keep him from spitting up so much.  That's important especially after he's had his meds.  Speaking of....they seem to be going fine.  As far as I know.  I am still a nervous wreck in that department.  Hoping that each med is doing it's job, that he isn't spitting them up, that everything going on in his little body is happy and healthy.  It is a full time job right now - meds, bottle feeds, and pumping.  He has nursed successfully a couple times this weekend.  Now that he is eating so well I feel more comfortable letting him try to nurse at the beginning of a feeding and then I follow it with a bottle if he hasn't fallen asleep and is still hungry.  We go in tomorrow for another weight check.  We will do that weekly for a while.  I think we will have a chubby baby on our hands before too long.

The big boys are doing well adjusting to having Dillon home.  Jackson has bonded to Dillon much faster than I thought.  Andrew loves him too but is getting used to sharing my attention.  He doesn't take it out on Dillon which I appreciate, but he has little patience for me.  That's a behavior he had before Dillon was born but it's a little more enhanced right now.  It will probably help when Jackson is done with school.  Andrew will have someone to play with and God-willing, we'll keep the fighting to a minimum.  They seem to have gotten a lot closer in the past month.  There is still a lot of fighting, but there is more playing together and laughing.

It is great to be home.  While I would never, ever, ever choose to go through what we went through, there is something to be said for bringing your baby home four WEEKS post c-section rather than four DAYS.  It's busy over here and it's very helpful that I am not in any pain.  I did expect that I would be ready and able to get out and see people right away but I was wrong.  It is a lot to get this new family balanced and adjust to our new routine that involves quite a bit of health care every day.  I told Brian that I feel guilty about my conflicting emotions.  All I wanted for a month was to take Dillon home and be together.  Now we have that and I feel I should only be bouncing off the walls with glee.  We are thrilled to be together, don't get me wrong, but there is also a sadness and a good deal of anxiety.  Yes, Dillon is stable and doing well, but there are a lot of unknowns that make me nervous.  I am sad for Dillon that he will deal with this forever.  Any mother would feel that way.  I pray daily for all those brilliant endocrine researchers, that they find ways to make Dillon's life easier!  I am also still processing everything that happened in the past month. It's a lot and I do realize it's only been a week since we got home so things will get easier.  This experience has been a huge lesson in living life a day at a time.  It is no secret that I am a worrier so my mantra of "One Day at a Time" is getting a lot of practice.

Happy Mother's Day to all my Mom friends and family!  Have a beautiful day!