And there it is.

Andrew's been hangin' out with us for 18 months now. I always expected but never heard those words "they" tell you you will here if you have an older child. Can we bring the baby back now? Jackson has had little moments of frustration with Andrew and is learning to share in what I think is a typical way...not exactly happy about it but willing to cooperate. The past couple weeks however, I've been noticing some tension in Jackson bubbling under the surface. As his attitude soured, Andrew's behavior sweetened. This only added to the problem. We had an especially sassy day yesterday. I had zero patience and Jackson was talking back to almost everything I said. Finally, I asked him to please tell me what this was all about. Why was he being so rude and disrespectful. And don't tell me it's because you miss Grandma. (that's his answer for almost everything) He burst into tears and said that he wishes Andrew wasn't here anymore. That he doesn't like how Andrew hits him all the time (Andrew is hitting a lot lately) and pulls his hair. He wishes Andrew could just go somewhere else, like Daddy's work or something. He cried and cried and cried.

This is something I'm gonna need to do some reading on. And I'd love some advice/insight from moms who've been through it. Just getting it out didn't help him. He's obviously really upset with Andrew - won't really talk to him, doesn't want him near his room, won't let him touch him, etc. While I think the stage Andrew is in is totally fun and lovable, I can see where Jackson would be irritated and jealous of the attention Andrew is getting. It's not like I can make him understand that the first 13-14 months were kind of tough with Andrew and that we're just sort of giddy over the changes in his disposition and sleep habits. I know they'll get to a stage where they will play together nicely again, but I'd like to make it a little easier on Jackson in the meantime.

Brian took Jackson out for pizza - just the two of them - when he got home from work. He said Jack just talked and talked and talked. And not toddler babble either. He talked about real stuff. At one point Brian said, "Jackson, I sure wish I could go with you and Mom and Andrew to see Grandma and Grandpa, but I have to work." Jackson said, "I know, Daddy. You do it for our family." Doesn't that just break your heart? Such a wise little guy.

Getting ready now for our drive to MN tomorrow. We have a bag of snacks, a couple movies from the library, and lots of music. We're getting pretty good at it.

Baby Stellan had a really rough, scary day yesterday. The morning was especially bad. MckMama updated Twitter often to keep people in the know. The power of prayer worked though. I thought (I think most people did, maybe even his mom) that he was going to die yesterday morning and he made it through and is now out of immediate danger. I love this baby like he is the child of a friend. I am embarrassed about that sometimes or confused by it. But then I think about why we have blogs like this...so moms can feel supported, not feel alone. And that's what we all (100's of thousands by now I bet) do for MckMama. In her case, she has people all over the world praying for her son, her family, Stellan's doctors and caregivers. We know a lot about her family and especially about Stellan. We're all very invested in his well being so I am sure I was not alone in my tears yesterday morning.

Better get myself packed for our trip. I am going to a clothing sway tonight! I've always wanted to do that and think it's a brilliant idea! Hope I get something fun and "new" to wear!

Next time, from Minnesota!