This is from a blog I enjoy, "The Mommy Blog." Makes sense to me and made me laugh. There is such a sense of entitlement in kids now. When I was young there was a feeling of respect you had for older people...even older kids. You definitely knew that they knew more than you did. Seems like they think we're all equals now. I am all for building a child's self esteem and instilling confidence in them, but I also think it's important to prepare them for life. And life isn't made up of all wins. Thank God for that - how else would we learn anything? Anyway, see what you think...let me know.
Charles Sykes is the author of Dumbing Down Our Kids. He provided for high school and college graduates a list of eleven things they did not learn in school. In his book, he talks about how their feel good, politically-correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality, and set them up for failure in the real world. Lay this one on your young ones.
Rule 1. Life is not fair; get used to it.
Rule 2. The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3. You will NOT make $ 40 000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4. If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping:—they called it opportunity.
Rule 6. If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes. Learn from them.
Rule 7. Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes, and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So, before you save the rainforest from the parasites of your parents’ generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8. Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades; they’ll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9. Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off, and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10. Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11. Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.
*Decide what you want in life, and then start the hard work of making it happen.*
‘Tis the Season Saturday {10.03.26}
1 day ago
2 comments:
Hey there! I know how much *I* appreciate comments, so I will try to do you the same honor you have done me. :)
I have seen this list before, but not since I finished the book "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn. Alfie is my ECFE parent-educator's recent passion so I decided to pick a book of his and give it a try.
Alfie, for the record, mostly looks at lots of research about kids and schools and parents to come up with his ideas. His writing is NOT Jennifer Weiner, but he makes some really good points and I think he's on to something. He would certainly be considered "touchy-feely" because he is opposed to punishments and rewards of any kind, including grades.
Because I really and truly do not think that getting good grades is any indicator of success in life. Look at it this way: Joel was a C student his entire academic career. He didn't work that hard and he got grades that reflect that. I was an A student, always on the honor roll. I was an excellent test-taker. And where are we now? We both have bachelor's degrees from Winona State. He is earning enough to support our family -- while I am earning less than 10% of what he is making now. Growing up, I had TONS of respect for my teachers and parents -- but now I wonder why I never lived up to what my "potential" might have looked like when I was getting straight As.
That said, I agree with several of the items on the list.
A. Sometimes life isn't fair. Good things happen to bad people, and vice-versa. Except that sometimes life IS fair, exceedingly so. You cannot dwell upon it.
B. Try to remember that you are a good person. Act like it.
C. Some people DO make $40,000 a year right out of high school. They typically work VERY hard and are VERY focused. It doesn't happen for everybody, though -- getting a degree is a better bet. (Does the original list actually say "car phone"? When was this written, 1987?)
4. Bosses and teachers and parents are all just people, with lives and fears and hopes and knowledge all their own. Respect them because they are human, not simply because of their elevated status in your life. Get to know them and they can REALLY help you out.
5, 6, &7. These are OK as-is.
8a. REAL LIFE DOES NOT GIVE YOU MULTIPLE-CHOICE TESTS. So if the only skill you've learned is how to take a test well, you are lost.
8b. REAL LIFE DOES NOT GIVE YOU A GRADE ON EVERY LAST LITTLE THING YOU DO. What matters much, much more is the big picture and your passion for learning, understanding, and creating. Nobody is going to give you a "report card" on how you're doing as an adult -- you have to figure it out on your own. So don't lean too heavily on those report cards; regardless of your grades, enjoy this time when someone, anyone, is checking up on how you're doing.
8c. It's cruel and cold to suggest that "real life" has not "done away with "winners and losers." Surely there are some winners and some losers in life, but the vast majority of us live in the VERY large, VERY gray area in-between. Who are these "losers" he refers to? The homeless, many of whom suffer from debilitating illnesses and addictions? And who are these "winners"? Vice-Presidents of Whatevertheheck, who work 80 hours a week and never sit down to a home-cooked meal with their loved ones? Some weeks I feel like a major loser, in my small old house, clipping coupons and coveting material goods. Some brilliant days, though, I take a look at my kids and my husband and my family and my warm winter coat and the cloud of love I get to walk in, and I remember what a gigantic winner I truly am. I cannot imagine how the original author defines "winners and losers" in his world, but I'm pretty sure that the unconditional love I give and receive makes me a winner. And I'm CERTAIN I didn't learn THAT in school.
8d. Real life does, however, sometimes offer second chances. And thank goodness. Pay those forward when given the opportunity.
9. It's true about the semesters, and that's a big hurdle to get over when you are finally done with school. But actually, most employers I've had asked me all the time what my short- and long-term goals were. They *are* often actually interested in helping you reach your potential. See #4.
10 & 11. Stet. :)
Oh Meg, this is why they should pay you the big bucks to write. Seriously, you should turn your thoughts about winners and losers into an article and get it published. You gave this WAY more thought than I did. I was just thinking about a couple people/students I know who could use this list as a little wake-up call. I wouldn't apply most of these things to the way I deal with my kids or students. I tend to be more soft around the edges most of the time. The frankness of it just made me laugh when I thought of the people I'm thinking of who could stand to hear it.
I have a horrible cold, so I will try to put together some complete thoughts.
Your points made me think of this:
*I feel like I was such a "success" in high school and college that it seems like I peaked there. It makes me sad sometimes. I don't know that it was anyone's job to prepare me to feel that way, but I wish I had known that not always succeeding was acceptable and probable.
*I always felt frustrated for the education majors at my college who were not good at standardized tests. That's how you got into the school of education there. I know some people who would be awesome teachers who were never given the chance because they couldn't get a good grade on that test and didn't get in the department.
*That $40,000 and car phone item is out of date. It reminded me of the first car phone that I saw in a box between the front seats.
*Again, I love what you say about winners and losers. Especially in this journey to define myself as a stay-at-home-mom. I find myself comparing my mornings of arts and crafts and afternoons of dinner making and house cleaning to how insane I was in college and the years after. Some days it is easy to label myself a big loser...those days when I have no patience and the house is a total mess and I let them watch a lot of t.v. and really, what did I do to make them better human beings? Those are the days I think about my academic success and my "music student of the year" award at college and wonder what happened to me. Loser.
Then there are the days when I have the confidence and vision and sense to tell all those judgments to suck it. I go back and read that essay I have posted twice about the cathedrals.
I have more to say, but Jackson is calling. Thanks for your always insightful thoughts. You are awesome and I miss you!
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